More than My Size!

Nearly everyone that knows me knows that I have steadily lost weight over the past few years.  MAJOR weight--not those last pesky few pounds people usually complain about.  Well, today for the first time in FOREVER I went into Old Navy to try on jeans.  I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what size I was, because I've been SO screwed up over "size" that I usually stuck with what I knew. 

As most of you can probably attest to, it seems my "size" is supposed to be a reflection of who I am on the outside.  To that I say--Bullshit.  I can honestly say that the things I love about myself have NOTHING to do with my size.  I love how smart I am....I love how educated I have become...I love how EASILY I laugh and laugh and laugh (haha)...I love that I have a passion for others...and myriad other things!  But as I gather all that confidence around me and head out into the world, it is easily torn to shreds when I think about my outside shell.  So today I went into the store feeling pretty good.  I grabbed a size I thought would "play it safe"....and to my utter DISBELIEF, they were sooooo big I could slide them up and not unbotton them! 

So I go back out and got a size I hadn't seen since HIGH SCHOOL (haha)...and PUT THEM ON!  So TONS of things flood through my mind.....1.) Do they look okay?  2.) WHO THE HELL CARES it's a size I haven't seen in AGES!! LOL....then I suddenly think, "Oh, my gosh, I've become the thing I HATE!"  It's so important for me to like WHO I am, without it being all encompassing of the "SIZE" I am! 

So my caution to myself is this:  Do NOT get caught up in the outside and let your inside go!  Remember, you are more than a size!!