More than My Size!

Nearly everyone that knows me knows that I have steadily lost weight over the past few years.  MAJOR weight--not those last pesky few pounds people usually complain about.  Well, today for the first time in FOREVER I went into Old Navy to try on jeans.  I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what size I was, because I've been SO screwed up over "size" that I usually stuck with what I knew. 

As most of you can probably attest to, it seems my "size" is supposed to be a reflection of who I am on the outside.  To that I say--Bullshit.  I can honestly say that the things I love about myself have NOTHING to do with my size.  I love how smart I am....I love how educated I have become...I love how EASILY I laugh and laugh and laugh (haha)...I love that I have a passion for others...and myriad other things!  But as I gather all that confidence around me and head out into the world, it is easily torn to shreds when I think about my outside shell.  So today I went into the store feeling pretty good.  I grabbed a size I thought would "play it safe"....and to my utter DISBELIEF, they were sooooo big I could slide them up and not unbotton them! 

So I go back out and got a size I hadn't seen since HIGH SCHOOL (haha)...and PUT THEM ON!  So TONS of things flood through my mind.....1.) Do they look okay?  2.) WHO THE HELL CARES it's a size I haven't seen in AGES!! LOL....then I suddenly think, "Oh, my gosh, I've become the thing I HATE!"  It's so important for me to like WHO I am, without it being all encompassing of the "SIZE" I am! 

So my caution to myself is this:  Do NOT get caught up in the outside and let your inside go!  Remember, you are more than a size!!

Going to Live Forever!

I'm going out tomorrow night, which I am excited about!  My first thought this morning:  "How can I lose 10 pounds in my ass???"  I put on the dress I'm going to wear (because 9 out of 10 days I wear one)....and I twirl around with the mirror in my hand, stopping on my backside.  And instead of thinking, "Wow, in cultures where big butts are considered AWESOME, I'd be considered a GODDESS with this ass," I think, "Back to the gym this afternoon to see if I can't improve it within the next 24 hours!"  So I tread (AGAIN) to the gym this afternoon, knowing deep down no miracle is going to come my way.  BUT I WAS WRONG!  While bicycling my hiney off (I WISH)....I came across an article that said if you were a woman that carried your weight in your butt and thighs, you are better off than women that carry weight in their stomach.  It seems fat in your butt (THANK YOU GOD) is actually considered good and has health benefits! LOL...Well, I don't know about you, but it looks like my happy ass is living until I'm 120!!!   :-)