So I Wrote a Book...

I finally finished my first novel...Picture Perfect Murder. YAY!!! I had to write it under a pseudonym because Buhman, evidently,  is too hard to spell! LOL...that's no lie. Even the ladies at school spell my name wrong...Buham. So I decided a simple, easy-to-remember-and-spell name was needed. Now...anyone who knows me knows I'm a HUGE fan of alliteration (my favorite literary element)...unfortunately, when your name is Jenna, and you want a "J" name to follow, that's difficult. LOL...thank you Jenna Jameson. So the other "J" name I wanted...well, I looked that name up...she writes Erotica...SO NOT GOING THERE...lol...so I went with a half alliteration. St. James. And I like it...Jenna St. James. Sounds very stately and mature (so not me!)...lol...

 So anyway...it's been a long journey, that's for sure! There are so many things I learned about myself during this process:

1) I need to learn to merge my demons. I had difficulty coming home every night and working on the book and then getting up at pre-dawn most mornings before school to work on it some more. I mean, I absolutely loved doing it...but I noticed that other things went by the wayside. For instance, on the rare nights I'd let myself go out with my girlfriends, I struggled between feeling guilty for not writing and feeling jealous of the fact I wasn't spending as much time with them as I normally do. My cousin told me it was because my extrovert was raging war with my introvert. LOL...I like that analogy. But it's true...while I loved working on my passion, I felt left out when it came to socializing with my friends. I definitely need to learn better social management, or I'll die alone and friendless!!  LOL...

*Caveat:  Before I tell you about this next part, there is something you need to know about me. I have an inner crazy person. Now most of you who know me well will say, "Tell us something we don't know!" LOL...I've been told my hair stands on end and my eyes twirl in the back of my head. Just sayin'!

2) As I've said previously, all other aspects of my life had been put on hold while I wrote this book (and continue to be while I start on book 2). And by other aspects I basically mean my exercise routine. I used to go to the gym after school...now I come straight home and write. This has resulted in some weight gain. And it's not like I haven't noticed...duh, I went from working out nearly daily to a complete sedentary nightlife. Here is the conversation in my house nearly every 24 hours:
      
     James: "Don't you think you should be at the gym working out?"
     ENTER WILD HAIRED, EYE TWITCHING, SPLIT-PEA SOUP VOMITING CRAZY JENNA....and while I won't entertain you with the conversation that follows, trust me when I say it ain't pretty! LOL...but I understand the concern. Again, time management, something I don't seem to be good at. I tend to throw myself passionately and wholeheartedly into a project and forget about my responsibilities.

3) Which bring me to my house...eekk! While I've tried to keep up with the surface duty cleaning (dishes, vacuuming, etc), I've completely lost it when it comes to laundry and other factors. Before I was eager for people to come over and I'd entertain...now I just pray people want to stay on the porch (haha)...okay, maybe not quite that bad...but pretty darn close.

But even after all this, I'm super excited to say...I've already started book 2!! 

I also want to thank my sister (whose birthday happens to be today...the day the book comes out!!!)...she has helped me immensely! While I gave her ideas what I wanted for my book cover...she was the one that actually put it all together. She was very patient with me, and told me I could change anything I wanted. She did my book cover AND did my proofing/editing for me. It was so much fun seeing what she'd recommend I'd do with certain pieces. Without her, this dream would never have come true! THANKS JULES...I LOVE YOU!!

I'll be honest and say I don't know if you can actually download it today on Kindle...I'm still not 100% sure how this works...but by tomorrow you can! I hope I don't annoy y'all with my promotion...word of mouth is everything!! I'm also working tonight on CreateSpace...a way Amazon does paperback books...so for those of you who do not have a Kindle can still purchase the book in paperback.

* The book is Picture Perfect Murder by Jenna St. James. Please buy and let me know what you think. Y'all will be the first to read and give me feedback.

Satin Sheets Suck!

When making the bed yesterday, I put my fingers through our current threadbare sheets. Obviously time for new ones!  So I run to Bed, Bath, and Beyond in hopes of finding the perfect sheets. Little did I know how difficult this task would be...there are HUNDREDS to choose from! Now, I know what I want...I want something nice, something soft, something that feels like it's caressing my body as I curl up in my fetal position--obviously that last request will cost extra, but I was willing to cough it up!

I spent a long time massaging and caressing the swatches they had on display that not only was I getting them dirty (definitely NOT getting those!), but I had workers asking me if they could help. After the second worker comes by, I take the hint and decide to go with the sage green satin sheets. I honestly LOVED the feel of them...they were so silky and smooth...they practically DID caress my skin as I ran them over my arm and cheek. I honestly thought these sheets and I had an instant connection! So I purchase them...and bring them home...to a boyfriend that just shakes his head when I pull them proudly out of the bag.

"Jen, have you ever slept on satin sheets before?" he asks as he gives me the whole 'why me' eye roll. "No, but I hear the rich and famous use them because it won't leave creases on your face when you wake up!" I say that last part in a kinda evil way, hoping he'll think I'm talking about HIS face. So I snatch the beautiful, silky sheets out of his nasty hands (he's not worthy of their wonderfulness!) and proceed to wash and dry them.

That night James makes the bed for me while I'm getting ready for bed. NOW, there are a few rules I feel I must tell you about when you get into a satin sheet bed for the first time.  Rule number one: take sandpaper to your skin and rough it up! I did not do this...I had just finished spraying my new, silky sheets down with my favorite lavender vanilla smell, giddy with the prospect of sleeping on this new miracle I had found, when I felt myself falling to the floor. It seems the sheets didn't like MY silky smooth body! Luckily my reaction time (believe it or not) was pretty good, and I was able to stop my lower half from shooting to the floor. Rule Number two: don't move! Don't breathe, don't shift, and don't even THINK about turning over...again, you will end up shooting to the floor.

 It was a rough night's sleep. I'm not gonna lie. It was horrible. When I sleep, I'm kinda like the Princess and the Pea, I have to sleep a certain way and one little thing will have me all out of whack. This morning, my two pillows and one neck pillow were scattered everywhere (without my neck pillow I wake up with headaches...like the one I have this morning)...and under my knees I sleep with at LEAST three, sometimes four (If I can sneak one away from James)...these pillows were ALSO on the floor (hence my horrible back pain!).  ALSO on the floor were my cell phone and kindle (bedtime requirements).

When I'm finally able to turn my body over to see about James, the first thing I notice is that his side of the bed is empty...usually I'm the first one up. Oh, wait, it's not empty...he's just slid down to my KNEES!!!  I couldn't help myself...I started giggling. He opens one eye to glare at me. This makes me laugh even more. I watch in silence (okay, tiny giggles) as he wrestles and slides his way back up the bed. The whole time grumbling about having to keep a death-like grip on the pillow or it will again shoot out onto the floor. He finally makes it back up to the top of the bed, only to have the pillow slide over toward me. Yanking it back, he flops over on his back and shoves it under his head in one quick motion (pretty darn impressive I must say!). "It's like sleeping in an oil spill!" he laughs. That was a mistake, because the laughter has now caused the pillow to slide upward toward the top of the bed. "Oh, great, now my head is resting on 4 percent of the pillow!" he practically shouts!  I can only giggle more...which makes him start chuckling again.  BIG MISTAKE!!!  The pillow slides the rest of the way out from under his head.

PLOP! His head hits the satin sheets. "So, Jen, this is how the rich and famous live, huh?" I laugh! Unfortunately I laugh so hard I start to slide toward the edge of the bed! I try grabbing on to him...but he aint' havin' it! He smacks my hands away...I'm now in a precarious position...one slight, teeny, tiny movement and I'll be a goner! I rack my brain for solutions (McGuyver has nothing on me!)...as I'm thinking, James has gone back to sleep...his snoring has caused movement, and the next thing I know I'm next to my cell phone and kindle on the floor.

Satin Sheets Suck! They will be returned today!

My First 5K!!

5K Mud Run!!

Today I participated in my first 5k! Yep...two friends and I did the Mud Run.  We did what all serious marathon runners (ha) do...and that is get great accessories.  We had cute little pink shirts made up with the saying, "I thought they said RUM!"  They were a hit.  We got a lot of points, laughs, and "love it!" By the time we got to the start line, I were feeling pretty good.  And then they said GO!

Tangela models

My first big mistake was not listening to my boyfriend (I HATE even saying that!) when he kept saying all summer, "You better start training!"  I kept thinking...it's SUMMER, I'm a teacher, I have TONS of fiction books to read, and tons of pages to write. Ugh...it seems my former Marine may have known what he was talking about!  One of my friends that participated with me today said she was just going to "wing it!" when I asked her about training...and that seemed like solid, sound advice...lol...so I decided I'd just wing it, too.  Not very smart!

I did okay the first couple miles...I honestly did!!!  There were mud pits to crawl through, steep cargo nets to climb over, walls to scale and crawl under, straps to walk on top of one foot at a time (very difficult for someone with no balance!)...all these things I did (EVERY ONE OF THEM) while sloshing through mud in 100 degree heat!  Okay, I did have help on the balance beam, but as a special education teacher, I take the "accommodation/modification" approach...my friends held my hands so I wouldn't fall. I have NO balance. When we got to this balancing obstacle, Tangela says, "Oh, Jenna, you are @%!&#$!!!!!"   LOL...she was right.  But even with the help they had to give me, I honestly was still feeling great!!  THEN...the last half of the 5K came crashing down on top of me!!!

It was the last leg...the end was near...I could see the victory (finish) sign in the distance...people laughing and partying, music blaring...VICTORY WAS MINE!!  This may seem like a crazy thought, but by this time, I was beginning to get delirious...only I didn't quite know it. Yes, victory was mine...until we actually came upon the last two sets of obstacles. One set was a huge, bounce house type slide.  Only, there was no stairs to climb up and slide down all graceful like...NO...you had to haul yourself UP THE STEEP RUBBERY, MUDDY INCLINE with only a nub and a rope!!!! WHAT THE !@#$#@!!!!  Who WERE these sadists!!!!

Tangela went first (which was not the norm...she usually was the one to give me help), then Lodder and I went next.  Lodder takes off like a freaking ninja scaling a wall...and I start to panic!!  I get halfway up, and I start to almost cry.  I was physically exhausted, I'd been lifting my BODY WEIGHT for the past hour and a half...and it's a hell of a lot of weight to be lifting!! LOL..and I had a momentary panic that for the first time, I couldn't do this!!  Lodder is sitting on the top of the slide, telling me to grab on and to haul myself up (yeah, like THAT was going to just happen in my panic attack)...and I hear myself crying, "I need Tangela!  I need Tangela!"  Lodder calmed me down, I hauled my butt up the last bit, and we slid down the muddy, steep slide.  I stood up, but I couldn't quit shaking.  Much to my dismay, not three feet away, was ANOTHER rubbery, muddy slide!  And here my friends, is where it gets comical!

Now, I did learn a lot about myself during this journey, and that is I admittedly have unresolved anger issues toward men.  Ha! This was a "women only" run, but men were allowed to watch...AND VIDEO!!!  Now, not all men were there solely to heckle the women, I know that...but I did hear some rather nasty comments...and I wasn't exactly thrilled that they were allowed to video us!  Like we were going to be their comedy relief for the week!  This is important to know...because the next part is why I didn't want ANYONE filming! LOL...so...this god-awful slide is mine to scale AGAIN!  By this time I am shaking pretty badly, and I seriously think I'm going to vomit. The three of us girls decide we will do this together...and we slowly take off.  Lodder and Tangela make it to the top and they turn to wait for me...and I WAS ALMOST THERE!!  I truly was ALMOST THERE...and the worst thing that could happen...happened!  I slipped....

Now, like on the first slide, the only thing you had were these little rubbery nubs sticking out of the steep incline and a rope.  When I slipped, my whole front side hit EVERY FREAKING NUB ON THE WAY DOWN!!!  Yes, this meant with every bump, my shirt inched upward!!  And with my shirt, also came my sports bra!!  I could feel the slide on my BARE STOMACH!!  Oh, the humiliation!!!  When I reached the bottom, I surreptitiously tried to pull my muddy shirt down, while listening for the sounds of babies screaming for their mothers about their eyes being burned!! LOL!!!!! I hauled myself up...and thought...that's it, I'm going to conquer this b!tch!!!! 

AFTER!!

Only I didn't.  I tried one more time, but I was shaking so badly, I couldn't do it.  I had to tell Tangela and Lodder to go on down the slide without me.  I had to turn around and get off.  The other women there were very kind, asking me if I was all right, reaching their hands out to help me...I mumbled I was okay and tried to regain my kick-@ss attitude.  But I was having a hard time.  We finally get to the LAST obstacle, and it's TWO eight-foot tall walls to climb over.  By this time, I was dizzy, unable to speak, weak, I think I was going blind in my right eye, I'm trying not to vomit, sweating, shaking, skin was sizzling in the blazing sun, and I was just really, REALLY ready to be done!  I climbed up the wall, Lodder reaches up (they have finished) to help me steady my leg, I'm leaning over the top of the wall, eight feet in the hair, and I think, "She's going to be pissed if I puke on her!" LOL...and a part of me wanted to, because I wanted them to feel as badly as I did!!!  LOL...yep, I'm kinda a yucky friend when I'm having a heat stroke!!!! I swing my legs over, and down I shimmy.  We walk a few more feet, and there's the LAST eight-foot wall to climb.  I absolutely could not make my feet do it.  I didn't want the girls to have to wait on me, risk getting vomited on, or worse, fallen on....so I didn't do my last obstacle!  Was I disappointed...YES.  But by this time I don't really remember much else.  I know we made it to the finish line, had pictures snapped, and headed to our car.  I asked a lady to take our picture, or rather, I whispered it to her because for some reason I couldn't speak.  The world was moving swiftly and my body felt like it was standing still and ready to implode. I had to close my eyes on the ride home, afraid I'd get sick in Lodder's car.  James called me (I don't even remember this) and he said I was slurring my words so badly he thought I was hurt or drinking! LOL...it's hours later and I'm just now able to sit up without feeling like I'll lose my insides, and I still have a huge headache.  

Will I do it again...HECK YEAH...I'm looking forward to the Color Run, the Glow Run, and any other run I can find.  Because even though I am exhausted beyond anything I can ever remember...I actually was able to do something amazing!!  Something I didn't know my body could do!!!

   

Personal Testimony of my Sister's Amazing Journey!!!

This blog post is dedicated to my sister, Juliana. As most of you know, Jules has lost and kept off over 200 pounds this last year. I can't express how proud I am of her!!  Her dedication to making herself into a more healthful person has been surpassed by everyone's expectations!  I'll never forget her telling me the story of going in for her three month check up and sitting next to a girl who had surgery at the same time she did.  The girl had only lost 20 pounds in three months, while Juliana had already lost nearly 100 pounds!!!  Even the doctors were amazed at the way her body took to the surgery.  She was meticulous about measuring her food, eating what she was supposed to, and sticking to the diet. The result was a weight loss of over 200 pounds!!!  That's the amazing news...the not-so-amazing news, with this huge weight loss came real challenges.  Trust me, on this I know, when you have dramatic weight loss, it doesn't just melt away with the weight.  When I lost my 80 pounds, I loved the way my body looked, most days.  Unfortunately, there were many times I would be discouraged by the way my skin now sagged.  So I made the decision to have the skin removed.  Juliana is now struggling with this problem--the main difference, mine was only 80 pounds, hers is over 200 POUNDS!!!!  It's almost incomparable.  I'm writing this post because I am asking help for my sister.  We have started a fund for her to help reach her goal of having skin removal surgery. Juliana is the most warm, positive, and giving person I know.  She loves life, always has, but now that she's able to get around in it, she really thrives.  However, not surprisingly, there are days she has bouts of depression over the vast amount of skin that hangs down from her arms, stomach, and legs.  If you go on her Give Forward site, you can see AMAZING before and after pictures.  She starts with the day of her surgery (she had to drop down to 350 pounds before the doctors would do the surgery, so she had lost 30 pounds already)...and slide all the way over and see her FANTASTIC HEALTHY BODY minus 220 pounds!!! Thanks in advance...and please share this blog so that others may experience the amazing journey my sister has started!!     

Her link:
http://gfwd.at/1bVJKnq

Why Children Should Learn the Five Love Languages

This morning talking with Maddy, I had an eye-opening experience regarding her idea of "love" between parents and kids.  Thinking on it, she's probably not the only kid (especially from a divorced family) who may have this type of thinking. It was a serious conversation regarding how she believed one of her parents "loved" her more because that parent stayed home and took care of her as a baby, while the other parent worked outside the home every day and was really "never there" like the other, thereby he didn't love her like the other parent. I told her that her daddy working like he did paid for the house she lived in, all the toys she had, all the food she ate, and even made it possible for her mommy to stay home and take care of her full time.  That was Daddy's way of saying he loved her and her mommy.  She rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, right!" Now, to be honest, this is not the first time James and I have come across her "thinking" regarding the whole role daddy didn't play in her life or she thinks he didn't play and has never been told otherwise from the person she needs to hear it most from! But that's a whole different discussion about divorce.  

I told Maddy about Gary Chapman's the Five Love Languages.  I tried to explain to her that just because one parent does one role and another parent may do a different role, does not mean that one parent loves a child more or less.  Not wanting to put it in a "your mommy" and "your daddy" blame game, I simply asked her to take a look around the house for a minute.  All the things that she has access to, all her clothes, all her games, everything comes from someone who loves her and who wants her to feel safe and loved.  All these things come from her daddy, me, my mom, my sister...everyone loves her, but everyone plays a different role in her life.  I then tried to explain the love between adults.  I told her that Daddy shows me he cares for me by working hard, making me things, taking care of problems around the house....and I show him I care for him by cooking (James may think that's up for debate), doing laundry, working outside the home...different ways in which we show we care about each other.  Trying to lighten the mood, I said, "I even show him love by mowing the yard." Maddy finally pipes up, "Hey, I've been mowing the lawn lately in summer!"  I said, "See, that's your way of showing us you love us."  Maddy, "No, it means I love the yard!" Hmmmm...

So maybe I didn't explain it as well as I wanted...but I will say it honestly broke my heart to hear her say (and be trained to believe it true!) that she believed one parent loved her more simply because their role was different.  As I'm writing this, Maddy is sitting in the "Daddy Chair" writing her own story.  James has brought her in a cup of hot tea (she took it without a word), he has exited the room and returned with a snack bar for her (he even opened it and pulled down the sides for her)...she didn't even blink at what he did.  I wanted very badly to say, "See Maddy, this is an expression of love he is showing you!!" Unfortunately, the last few months have taken a different turn as to what I can and cannot say to Maddy...so I simply said nothing, and I just hope that she learns by the example we are setting for her...even if I have my doubts.  

It's the "Comments" that Kill Us!!!

I was reading a very funny post this morning about a former Marine that becomes a teacher and does something smart to "shock and awe" the students. It was a joke/story to show the toughness and quick thinking a soldier does, but yet it was short enough a person could remember it and tell it later.  That's what a good story/joke is supposed to do.  I couldn't wait to either go in and tell James (my former Marine) this funny story or just share it with him on Facebook.  Then I did something I hate...I scrolled down and read the comments.

It's the comments that kill us!!  And I don't mean kill us in a funny ha-ha way...I mean it's the comments of life that kill us as individuals.  The first four or five comments of this marine story are all negative, like that wasn't a picture of a correctly ranked officer; other comments were criticizing the "theory" of the whole story; other comments were what they should be:  "Good one!"

I find I sometimes live my life as though I'm reading "comments" people leave for me.  Like I'm living under a microscope, ready to be scrutinized and commented on at any minute.  And not because I'm rich, famous, or even all that darn interesting (haha)...but because it's what people feel they are entitled to do.  It's like they feel it is their right to leave a "comment" on your life because it can be done so freely on the Internet.  Judging people and their "life story" they are telling at that particular moment in their life is somehow justifiable to some people to tell you (or tell others) what they think of you. Guess what...you are not entitled.  Period. You do not always have to have the last word--which is really what the comment section is!

I'm telling myself this as much as anyone.  I'm not so special that I should feel entitled to leave "comments" about what someone else does.  I'm not so smart I should feel entitled to "comment" to others how they should live their life.  I told James I don't know why I was so angry this morning after reading the comments from others regarding the Marine story, it just struck me as "this is what's wrong with our country!"

*As a side note...I did get an education from James regarding the generalized term "soldier" and the implication it has on military men and women who serve in the branches.  

Turbo Kick...Kicked my You-Know-What!!

Okay...so I have been pretty under the weather the last month.  According to the doctor is was nothing more than dehydration/stress/blah blah...so even though I slept 13 hours on Saturday due to pure exhaustion, I woke up this morning thinking no matter what, I was going to start working out again...it has been over a month since I even felt like walking, much less anything else!!

Enter Turbo Kick!  Oh, my gosh...where to start! I decided on Turbo Kick because another teacher in my building teaches the class (she made me swear to write a good review!)...and I've heard other teachers talk about it, and I've physically seen with my own eyes how much another teacher has benefited from this class!!  HOWEVER, I will say, no one told me there were DEFINITE prerequisites that you must have!! 

1.  You MUST have the ability to walk and chew gum.
2.  You MUST be able to have coordination in your left side (if you are right handed).
3.  You MUST be able to remember how to count under duress.

As most of you know (because you know me) I have NONE of these prerequisites!!  We start off the class, and I'm feeling great (we were working on our right side)...then the evil instructor had to go and make us do the same thing on our LEFT side.  I had no idea until tonight just how UNCOORDINATED my left side really is! 

I will pause right here and let everyone know that there are a few things I will never do in my life:
    1.  A "burpie"...the only "burping" I will ever do will be to a baby...and since I've never had one, we can just move on.
    2.  The "Roger Rabbit"...I saw the movie at a drive-in theater in 1988 with my cousin.  I'm almost CERTAIN my instructor wasn't even BORN then, so by default I am never required to do this move!

Now...for the other fun tidbits running through my mind as I was lagging three beats behind everyone else tonight. There came a spot in the routine where we had to jump in the air and turn around in one motion.  I swear, I actually thought about doing this...immediately, my butt checked my reality!  I suddenly hear my butt (yes, it does speak) screaming, "WOMAN!  You've taken physics...you understand momentum and force! Unless you want to take out the right side of the room, DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS!"  Needless to say, I simply turned in a circle. Another place where I actually giggled and almost laugh aloud, was when we were doing "jab, jab, punch, kick, cross" and all I could think of was if I was ever attacked and I tried this stuff, my attacker would probably BUST A GUT laughing at my antics!!!!!  I mean, really, who the heck can't remember how to jab, jab and which foot goes forward...ME!!!  I kept repeating to myself "opposite....opposite" but my feet could never remember! 

After the class, the instructor came to me and asked me what I thought.  I replied honestly, "This was the most ridiculous thing I've ever done!"  And for those of you who know me....you know I've done some PRETTY RIDICULOUS things in my life!! 

So...will I ever go back to this class?  HECK YES!!  I plan on making this a regular thing.  Why, you may ask?  Because after this class, I left feeling like tomorrow I will be able to WALK, TALK, AND CHEW GUM!!!  And I will own it!!   I haven't felt this great in a very long time!  Yes, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing...yes, I was constantly lost...yes, I looked like an idiot out there pretending I could jab, punch, and move all at the same time.  But I left feeling great!  Alicia does a great job at motivating as well as instructing!  So when I am in St. Joe on Mondays, I will make this my thing....who knows, by the end of school year, maybe I will be jabbing and kicking my way to awesomeness!!!